Rescuing a Relationship with Somatics

By March 7, 2024 No Comments

How the incorporation of somatic experiencing work changed my nervous system and relationship

A couple of years ago I was really struggling in my relationship. Struggling to feel safe and calm even when nothing was wrong. I would feel an urge come over my body to run and flee out of nowhere. It was so bad, that after a great date with my partner, I would contemplate ending it with him.
As someone who teaches listening to your intuition I was at a loss. My body was clearly speaking to me, something I don’t take lightly, and yet my heart and mind had no reasons or justification to support leaving my relationship.
I reached out to some colleagues who were in the same coaching program as me and shared about my struggle. One of them, Becki, immediately lit up when I told her. She said she could relate and asked if I had heard anything about somatic work before. I told her that I loosely knew of it, as I pictured yoga poses and stretches.
She told us she was in the midst of a Somatic Experiencing training and that it had truly changed her nervous system and created changes in her life that lasted.
All of us looked around in shock at her claim. Becki is not someone to exaggerate how powerful a teaching is.
All us in the circle had been trained in consciousness wisdom teachings and felt pretty grounded in the theory and application of taking simple but wise practices into action.
However, what Becki spoke of was focused on the body and nervous system, something we hadn’t even stopped to consider.
I told Becki I was desperate to feel peace in my relationship. I couldn’t stomach the idea of having another day of my body wanting to run away to a deserted island for no reason other than my partner opening the car door for me or making sure I got home safely.
I wasn’t sure what to expect in my first session with Becki, but I didn’t think it would be sitting still and tuning into my body. In less than an hour Becki was able to help me shift into a state of calm, with zero context no less. I didn’t understand it at the time, but somatic experiencing works with very little background information and very little story.
As a master storyteller, I was appalled that explaining the entirety of my relationship situation wasn’t necessary for Becki to help me.
As we worked together, I learned I air on the anxious attachment style of connecting. This means, in order to protect myself from being left or alone, which I am subconsciously deeply afraid of, I will try to flee the situation before I can get hurt.
So, even though my partner is the sweetest human I have ever met, whom I love so much, my body would send signals of panic to “RUN” if I spent too much time with him.
It was such a difficult and confusing period for me to have my heart saying one thing and my body saying another.
After a few months of working together with Becki I noticed a shift. Weeks would pass by where I wouldn’t experience the urge to run once. When they did come up, they were shorter and less intense. My nervous system was slowly learning to settle around a healthy partner after years of being in toxic situationships.
Most importantly, I was able to really allow myself to settle and feel safe in my relationship. I noticed my self sabotage poke up less and my feelings for my partner grow.
One of the practices Becki used with me that changed my nervous system was called grounding (Full disclosure: I feel in love with somatic work so much I went and got trained last year).
Grounding can refer to connecting to the earth or centering oneself back into the body or the roomIt’s usually a moment of stillness paired with focused attention.
In somatic terms, grounding can help the nervous system come back to a regulated state so that we can be fully present.
Now, grounding is more bigger than just the nervous system.

When we ground, we allow space for something greater than ourselves to enter the room. It’s an invitation to Spirit and a signal to the Universe that we are open to hearing it's wisdom.

Unbeknownst to me, I’ve been starting sessions with a grounding moment for over four years and I can honestly say it makes the biggest difference in a client’s session.

Grounding allows clients a moment to gather and slow their thoughts,
arrive in their bodies,
create an intention for the session,
welcome in their spirit guides,
and settle into the sacred time and space they’ve carved out.
It is the holiest moment.

Because I believe in somatic work so much and because I love you and want you to feel peace in your body, I’ve recorded my signature grounding in hopes that it helps you as much as it’s helped me. 

Before you start your day,
before your big meeting,
before a difficult conversation,
before anything you want to be your most authentic self for,
I invite you to ground.

It may sound silly for such a short practice to be so powerful but I promise you the difference it makes is undeniable. Every time after I ground, I remember who I am and what I’m here to do. I feel connected to my heart and led by Spirit.
I invite you to download and save this free grounding to use anytime you’re wanting to find your center, come back to your true knowing, or help you nervous system regulate. 
For the longest time I didn’t know that our bodies could sometimes send us messages that aren’t in alignment with our truth. I always thought that being in love meant our bodies would confirm it was the right place to be, especially if the partnership was healthy.
I share about my uncomfortable and challenging time with my partner in hopes that it heals or soothes some part of you that has had a body reaction that was the opposite of what you thought would or should happen.
Our bodies are so wise and are ultimately trying to protect us, however not everything they sense is truly dangerous.
Now almost two and a half years later… I couldn’t be happier about that life I’m building with my partner and the two cats we’re raising

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Book a free discovery call with me if you’re looking to explore somatic experiencing to help heal your nervous system and feel lasting peace.

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