I’m a believer. I always have been. I remember being a young child and feeling so entranced by the world. I thought anything was possible. I believed in magic and fairies and the ongoing dance of good vs evil. I believed light would always win and that the world was filled with good people
The path that brought me here
As I got older, I learned that a world view of dreams and fairy tales was not going to get me very far. Very quickly, I realized that the safest way to survive was to ask for forgiveness and pray for acceptance. And so, as I grew up, I continued to apologize for my voice, my feelings, my needs, and begged to be accepted for the small pieces I felt safe sharing with others. I had learned at a young age that I was too loud, too sensitive, too angry, too emotional, and just plain too much.
The world needed me to be less. So, less I became. This way of being worked for me, until suddenly, one day, it didn’t.
The world needed me to be less.
So, less I became.
During the summer of 2015, the youngest boy of the family I nannied for, Mickey, was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, a rare and aggressive cancer found in children. He was only three and a half years old.
I began watching Mickey when he was only a year old. He loved food, but he especially loved pink and yellow starbursts. He was addicted to watching old reruns of Frosty the Snowman. He loved playing with his brothers and having dance parties and movie nights with his mom and dad. He had a young love for women and was known for having many girlfriends. Each one of us had our own nickname. I was gifted with the title of “future wife”. He used to say he wanted to marry me, but that he wasn’t ready quite yet for the commitment.
Mickey was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, a rare and aggressive cancer found in children. He was only three and a half years old.
He was a ray of sunshine in the world that made everyone smile and feel loved. He was a little piece of Heaven. He danced through life with a juice box in one hand and a marvel action figure in the other.
After a year and a half of battling cancer, Mickey passed away at the age of five and a half.
I had the privilege to be with Mick and his parents as he passed away in the hospital December of 2016. I can safely say that sharing that moment with them, is the most sacred memory I will ever have in this lifetime. I had the honor of witnessing my favorite human transition to his next place. Holding space for him to go back Home is a moment that I will never forget.
After his passing, I found that I couldn’t integrate back into my old life. I began to question everything I was taught and wanted to search deeper for the purpose of not just my life, but all life.
I needed to know why we were on this floating rock if horrible things were just going to happen to children. So, I looked for answers. Eventually, I got desperate enough after being unsuccessful with traditional therapy and turned to more holistic routes.
Mickey and I having a “date night” at the drive in movie theater with his family.
I went to a spiritual healer and was introduced to energetic healing, where I witnessed firsthand how much my body was physically, emotionally, mentally, and energetically holding onto the trauma and pain of the loss.
After each session, I felt more connected to myself than I ever had. I was able to gain insight, direction, confidence, and most importantly my voice.
I was so moved and inspired by the work that I continued the path of holistic care and pursued trainings in the modalities that changed my life.
As I continued to follow my passion, my intuition opened, and my own healing gifts began to blossom. I began to accept my own essence and with it, unlocked my ability to be a channel for those who had passed away.
Losing Mickey was my wake-up call to finally love myself fully and live my life with authenticity.
Mickey loved superheroes so I had an old friend who’s also an amazing artist draw Mickey as a hero. Mickey said if he could have one superpower it would be healing like the Wolverine so he could get better.
I’ve learned that we all have Heaven inside us. Just as Mickey did. I believe we are all a living embodiment of Source and that by embracing and coming home to this truth, we can find the power and understanding to make sense of all pieces of our stories, and create lives that fill us to the brim with excitement and gratitude.